Sweat Pants
by Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction
-
Streaming + DownloadIncludes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.Purchasable with gift card
$0.99 USD or more
-
Full Digital Discography
Get all 47 Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Copacabana, Designer Babies, Do You Believe In Tragic?, Kitties and Boobs, Dodged A Bullet, Kissing In The Rain (2022 Remaster), Happiest Place On Earth, I'm Not Really In The Christmas Mood This Year (feat. Dave Leon), and 39 more.
Purchasable with gift card$56.78 USD or more (35% OFF)
about
The perils of club clothes and a better, more comfortable, but still sexy solution. And a satire of 80's-style rock dude mansplaining.
I was working on this song when Eddie Van Halen passed away. Since I'd already been playing with a David Lee Roth-type character in my head for the lead vocal I thought "What if I just did this like a lost Van Halen track?"
I was working on this song when Eddie Van Halen passed away. Since I'd already been playing with a David Lee Roth-type character in my head for the lead vocal I thought "What if I just did this like a lost Van Halen track?"
lyrics
Put your leisurewear in the air!
She wore six inch stiletto heels
And a tight ass mini skirt
I looked at her and though "ooh damn!
That looks like it kinda hurts"
Put on some sweat pants
Sweat pants and fuzzy slippers
Put on some sweat pants
They still fit tight and your butt still looks nice
But you won't have to walk like you're walking on ice
Sweat pants
I could see some impetigo
Because spandex don't absorb sweat (Sweat!)
She's gonna end up with Achilles Tendonitis
Cuz heels that high are a threat
Put on some sweat pants
Sweat pants and Nixon slippers
Put on some sweat pants
Sweat pants and Hugh Grant slippers
Put on some sweat pants
No pulling it down or sucking it in
Cuz wrinkled up it's looking like an old foreskin
S-S-S-Sweat pants
Bridge
I stood there in that club with my friend Earl Boberle
And I said "Hey Earl"
And he said "What?"
I said "Hey Earl, you see that pretty lady over there in the high heels and the miniskirt?"
He said "Indeed I do."
I said, "Earl, do you see how she has to keep pulling that skirt down so her charms don't fall out and cause the internet to fall about in hysterics?"
He said "Indeed, I do."
I said "You know, Earl, you know what that's doing to her feet and her lower back?"
He said "Indeed, I do."
I said, "Earl, I think I should go tell her about it maybe."
He said, "Indeed you should."
So I sashayed on over to this chiropractor's dream and I said, "Baby!"
She said "What?"
I said "Baaaby!"
She said "What?"
I said "Baaaaaaby!"
She said "Are you deaf? What do you want?"
Put on sweat pants
Sweat pants and Thanos slippers
Put on some sweat pants
Sweat pants and Gollum slippers
Put on some sweat pants
Legs at four and eight instead of six and six
Power stance, no money spent on blister sticks
S-S-S-Sweat Pants
100% pre-shrunk cotton, baby!
She wore six inch stiletto heels
And a tight ass mini skirt
I looked at her and though "ooh damn!
That looks like it kinda hurts"
Put on some sweat pants
Sweat pants and fuzzy slippers
Put on some sweat pants
They still fit tight and your butt still looks nice
But you won't have to walk like you're walking on ice
Sweat pants
I could see some impetigo
Because spandex don't absorb sweat (Sweat!)
She's gonna end up with Achilles Tendonitis
Cuz heels that high are a threat
Put on some sweat pants
Sweat pants and Nixon slippers
Put on some sweat pants
Sweat pants and Hugh Grant slippers
Put on some sweat pants
No pulling it down or sucking it in
Cuz wrinkled up it's looking like an old foreskin
S-S-S-Sweat pants
Bridge
I stood there in that club with my friend Earl Boberle
And I said "Hey Earl"
And he said "What?"
I said "Hey Earl, you see that pretty lady over there in the high heels and the miniskirt?"
He said "Indeed I do."
I said, "Earl, do you see how she has to keep pulling that skirt down so her charms don't fall out and cause the internet to fall about in hysterics?"
He said "Indeed, I do."
I said "You know, Earl, you know what that's doing to her feet and her lower back?"
He said "Indeed, I do."
I said, "Earl, I think I should go tell her about it maybe."
He said, "Indeed you should."
So I sashayed on over to this chiropractor's dream and I said, "Baby!"
She said "What?"
I said "Baaaby!"
She said "What?"
I said "Baaaaaaby!"
She said "Are you deaf? What do you want?"
Put on sweat pants
Sweat pants and Thanos slippers
Put on some sweat pants
Sweat pants and Gollum slippers
Put on some sweat pants
Legs at four and eight instead of six and six
Power stance, no money spent on blister sticks
S-S-S-Sweat Pants
100% pre-shrunk cotton, baby!
credits
released September 24, 2021
license
all rights reserved
tags
about
Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction Milpitas
Phil Johnson is a man who gets mistaken for a woman, but only by those not paying attention. That revelation kicks off a battle for self-awareness where comedy and music are the weapons of choice. It’s a battle that has taken Phil to such esteemed festivals as the Edinburgh Fringe and Sundance Film Festivals and the Top 8 Finals of the World Series of Comedy. ... more
shows
-
May 3Clovis, CA
-
May 7Fairfax, CA
-
May 10Oakland, CA
-
May 30Santa Cruz, CA
-
Jun 14Lincoln City, OR
-
Jun 15Lincoln City, OR
-
Aug 30San Diego, CA
-
Aug 31San Diego, CA
discography
-
Apr 2024 -
Jun 2023 -
Jan 2023 -
May 2022
contact / help
Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction recommends:
-
Luminous Dark Alleys: The Insomniac Works
by Tah Phrum Duh BushTah is one the most eloquent rappers I've ever run across. This album about sleep deprivation brims with darkness and humor and all those bizarre thoughts you have at 3:37am.
go to album
If you like Phil Johnson and Roadside Attraction, you may also like:
-
Speakeasy - Live 2016
by John RobinsRobins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans.
go to album -
Taylor Ham, Egg, And Cheese
by Chris GethardComedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone.
go to album -
In A Time Of Trouble A Wild Exultation
by Jaye BartellA stunning and sparse follow-up to last year's "Light Enough" from Brooklyn songwriter Jaye Bartell.
go to album -
Just Putting It Out There
by Aparna NancherlaThis dry, wry, gently absurdist comedian's first album is the inaugural release for Tig Notaro's new label, Bentzen Ball Records.
go to album -
Mainstream American Comic
by Hari KondaboluPre-order the latest hilarious musings of this Brooklyn Comic from Kill Rock Stars.
go to album
